Facebook Faux Pas
By Farah Al Mufleh
If I were to say I’m going to Afghanistan in search of Bin Laden, I wouldn’t get the same high pitched gasp I usually do when I’m discovered as a non-Facebook user. The conversation normally begins like this:
“I couldn’t find you on Facebook, how do you spell your name?”
At which point I usually find myself mumbling that, actually, “I don’t have an account”.
That’s when I get that priceless look: mouth half open, eyes wide, followed by some sort of embarrassed whisper. “What do you mean you don’t have facebook!?” It’s happened so many times, but it never fails to amuse me.
Before I begin, let me make one thing clear: I am not a luddite. I’m not waging my own personal war against Facebook. At the start of the Amman Facebook frenzy I was intrigued – just like every other Jordanian. I scanned the newsfeeds, understood how it worked, and thought it all very impressive. But things stopped there. I made the decision that Facebook wasn’t for me…. not because it’s a form of colonization, or terrorism, or wrong, or whatever. The thing is, do I really want to know that “Ahmad is making a cup of tea”?
Not really.
I do realize that facebook, and social networking per se, is a great way of reconnecting with people, promoting a person, or increasingly just knowing what’s going on. My facebook ‘sisters’ will occasionally show me ‘out of this world’ wedding pictures, or ‘OMG look what she is wearing pictures’, all of which remind me that while the internet is fluid and ever changing, it can also carve mistakes in stone. One day I might live abroad. At times I feel the urge to enter the wonderful world of clicks. But something always sobers me up. Facebook users.
Facebook has transformed time wasting into the ultimate human urge. It’s become a drug… people pry free from social censure. They live in an imaginary world and no one calls them crazy. Some stalk their prey’s every move, scanning every picture, status update and wall post. Others update a constant timelines of events, yet no one calls them desperate, in some cases perhaps even psychotic? For users currently swaying their heads in dismay… were you one of those terrified Ammani’s waiting to figure out if the “see who views your profile” scare was true?
Amman’s have become interconnected into a fabricated world, a real time Truman show, where the ones on the outside are the ones who don’t ‘get it’. Think about it – what exactly does it mean to be a ‘facebook friend’? We all know the saga… it starts with that guy that used to sit next to you in math’s class. You scan his pictures thinking ‘how did such a loser get to have such an awesome life?’ Then you check his common friends, and then comes the crucial decision – is he allowed to see my ‘anything goes’ page or the one set up for my mum and aunt Fatima?
This aspect of controlling friends has made its way into the real world, and given way to the popular Ammani comment ‘he’s just a facebook friend’. You’ve scanned his facebook pictures out of boredom, you kind of know him but you’re closer to his friends and when you meet in public neither of you say hello… even though both of you have been sharing personal information or updates online. It’s absurd.
Facebook has crossed the line from a social networking tool to a social dysfunction tool. There is a reason your long lost friend is ‘lost’. There is a reason an ‘X’ is placed before your girl or boyfriend. It’s no wonder many Ammani’s suffer from ‘can’t let go of the past’ syndrome, when they can open a door into the personal lives of lost flames with the click of a mouse, even if they still hate them.
The drama Facebook generates is clear to a non-user:
“She was with him in Beirut!”
“That must be a lie, because she wasn’t home!”
“If you don’t speak, then why is he still your friend on facebook?”
Facebook has ended many real friendships, got teens into trouble for their posts at school, and decreased the level of trust in relationships. After all, why wouldn’t you stalk your girlfriend? It’s brought back the high school years for us all – unfounded threats and jealousies have re-emerged 90210 style. It even follows you to work, as your ‘friends’ (let’s call them users) post up the ‘sick’ time you spend in Aqaba, or your boss cuts the company marketing budget as, after all, ‘there’s always facebook!’
Finally what about facebook groups? Having 1000 members doesn’t mean sit back, relax, and watch the money coming pouring in. Actually, it doesn’t mean much at all. A friend was telling me how she is part of a group that helps the poor get a better education. Being impressed, I asked how many times she volunteered. It turns out she didn’t. “So do you give them money I asked”, generally intrigued. “No not really, I’m just a member of the group online”. Point taken.
You know something is huge when psychologists are working to cure ‘Facebook addiction’. It’s a milestone of technology, the king of social media. People dissociate from the real world in favor of ‘facebook world’. After all, in the real world people have bad breath, bills need to be paid, and you don’t get to control who sees what. That’s how the real world works. Sometimes I think I’d love to have a happy airbrushed place to escape to, but instead all I can say to facebook users is: “Good morning, and in case I don’t see ya, good afternoon, good evening, and good night!”
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