This. A hundred times this! Brilliantly said :)

The entire chain of causation is wrong, We say we treat men and women differently because they're different, while in fact men and women are different because we treat them differently.

The entire chain of causation is wrong, We say we treat men and women differently because they're different, while in fact men and women are different because we treat them differently.

I think the parents are responsible. I mean the children ask their parents stuff and how they end up being is how their parents reply. And that reply just reflects in their actions in the future. An obvious example would be how the parents interact with eachother and how they deal with other people of the opposite sex. It's just like it has been mentioned, a lot of the older generation of Amman were in single-sex schools, yet they do not discriminate nor harass others.

And I know this next point will sound stupid, but if a father teaches his son how to umm.. “hit on women” (excuse me if that offends anyone, it is not intended to) the right way, then the son would probably learn from that, rather than primitively hit on women.

I believe that in the case of boys schools in Jordan, this would go a long way in easing and softening the high-testosterone atmosphere in these schools which often leads to aggression both from the teachers and the students. It would also go a good way towards making the school environment more pleasant, since currently, many boys schools look and feel about as welcoming as a juvenile detention center.

As for co-education, this is a long and complex debate and I am not an expert by any means in what is better for students in this regard. I have been to both single-sex and co-ed schools and felt that neither was the reason I felt comfortable dealing with people of the opposite sex. I believe this was more to do with my upbringing at home than anything else.

The issue is that while we may have attended single-sex schools in Amman, we had many other opportunities to engage with children of the opposite sex as part of a our extra-curricular and family life, which the vast majority of public school kids in Jordan do not have.

Thanks again and I look forward to debating this issue further with everyone who took the time to respond and particularly those who disagree with me. :)

It would probably cause a huge ruckus in the beginning then work out.

I just simply have some observations that might come across of being a bit “conservative” or “not with the flow”, but I will share them anyway out of sincerity and honesty of the debate.

- One: we are all against harassment. I still think that most harassment from men addressed to women in our Jordanian context is harmless and does not reach alarming rates (similar to what I know of in the US for example). I could be wrong as I was never been on the receiving end of harassment here. But in general, and from what I have seen, most young men would immediately stop the harassment if they are confronted with the phrase: Would you do or say the same thing to your sister or mother?”

- Two: The “Abu Antar” Character: I think we have all seen episodes of Ghawar and Abu Antar when we were kinds. In many cases, the persons doing the harassment fit the Abu Antar model which I think is in need of more research, specially in terms of how it evolved within the past 20-30 years or so. I believe (or maybe I have a naïve trust in good nature of people in our society) that much of the negative energy found in that character could be (with the right tools and approach) re-directed for other constructive things.

- Three: I do not think that this problem could be attributed simply to having a more segregated society between the sexes. The problem's more complicated than that. In Amman, and I have no idea why; young men are always accused of being “hamal”, and with bad intensions before even doing anything which over the years had created some sort of alienation or frustration amongst this segment of our society. I was there once. Let me take a comparative example from even a more conservative society (or maybe equally conservative): Damascus. There, I feel that even with the segregation and conservatism, men and women deal with each other with more ease than in Amman. And this judgment is not based on soap opera experiences.

- Fourth: I do agree with Raghda about the need of more shared spaces within our cities. I have to stop a bit on the notion that the solution is co-ed Schools. I think that more research needs to be done here:
- I attended an all-boy school and I did not (together with my friends) feel that we had difficulties dealing or engaging with fellow female students once we went to college at the U of Jordan in the 80s.
- My kids attend co-ed schools now, and I personally complain about the lack of male figure teachers in their lives. They are taught mainly be female teachers and while many of them are great, boys do need good male authority figures in their lives. I am not being sexist here, I am telling you honestly what my kids feel and what I and their mother feel sometimes.
- By the way, there is a lot of research out there that is questioning co-ed teaching environments at certain levels (even in western societies) and also for certain topics (e.g., math and literature). This research recommends that segregated classes should start after a certain age due to peer pressure (e.g., after puberty around the ages of 12 or 13). This research also recommends segregation in certain topics such as math where it has been proven that female students perform better in an all girl environment in math. Also male students perform better in an all male environment in other topics such as literature.

Fifth: What about increasing subtle sexual harassment in the other direction (from girls targeting young men). Unfortunately, I have not encountered that type of harassment in a long, long time probably due to my extraordinary large physique and mature age; but I hear from many people that it happens and it is on the rise in our society. And in general, I hear that young men do not react against it as it would be considered, due to peer pressure in society, not manly enough.

Well, I am sorry for my long comment, but I hope it was helpful. Finally, thanks Raghda for, and again, a wonderful piece.
Sincerely
Rami Daher