More power to you girl! “Blame the victim” crowd will probably jump in and ask you to become a walking tent. More women need to stand up and challenge the status quo.

First off, I applaud you for your courage in writing and publishing this with your name. It is not only bold in this part of the world but it is a firm and loud smacking down of one’s foot on the ground, setting precedence for others to follow.

The problem as you may have pointed to here is the environment. The environment is hypocritical to a great extent. It is an environment that is conservative enough to kill someone in order to protect the honor of a family tarnished by a woman, and it is an environment that will expect their sisters to remain hidden while they harass the sisters of other men on the street.

It is an environment where sex is restrained and yet consumed media is incredibly and suddenly sexualized, which is akin to starving a dog in a cage and then placing a rabbit right outside that cage. In this environment it is the victim that is often blamed, because she is a she. because she is seen as a seductive force. because she is seen as weaker and lesser than – for the most part. And as you pointed out there are some that are male and are proactive (they are quite a few), however, they are not enough to counter this environment.

But then again, I kind of disagree with that. It’s not a matter of there not being enough of such people – I simply think that no critical movement has ever stepped up to counter sexual harassment. I haven’t seen anything in Jordan that is similar to the Pink Chaddi movement in India, which was quite clever and bold in an environment that is much worse than that of Jordan, and even Egypt. There is no collective voice or movement. There are complaints and isolated voices such as yours, but this has rarely ever accomplished anything anywhere for any cause no matter how just it is. I agree that laws need to be enforced, and the police need to take these matter seriously (which they truly do not, and I’ve seen that firsthand). However, true social change does not come from laws or policies drafted by politicians. It is wielded by the hands of the people, vis a vis a true and organic grassroots movement that slowly builds towards a critical mass until the status quo is changed.

With that in mind – looking to Egypt, which again is much worse than Jordan – I’m wondering if HarassMap is the start of such collective action: http://harassmap.org/

@Jackie: Love it, well done, and keep up the good work.

@ Tarawneh:
This is not an attack on you, but your sentence:

“First off, I applaud you for your courage in writing and publishing this with your name.”

That sentence on its own is a clear sign of how bad things have become, when someone has to think twice before writing or talking about violence to themselves, or the fact that we have to applaud her for daring, because of some warped stigma that is perceived.

Violence against women is totally unacceptable and I am sure you agree with me on that.

I am so sorry for what you have been through it must be horrible …. but you must know that some places are never meant to be walked in by strangers am not justifying what the asshole have done or blaming you or anything ,,,, you will walk out of this experience stronger than you imagine and by talking about it you just started the journey ! peace

While I agree that context is important, it is not everything. Context is us. Context is enablers. It is the incentives and disincentives. If we accept it as everything, then we are justifying its implications on us as individuals. We must not let the context define who we are. We must not let context redefine us. Context is the enabler of injustice and ill treatment. What is the role of the historical process? Religion? Politics? It is a complex picture. Bottom line is that it needs to be disrupted and interrupted. Women have the power to interrupt it daily, they just need a voice and support.

Oliver

I’m not sure I understand everything you’re saying. If we were to sit together face to face I think it would be easier to understand each other, but this isn’t possible at the moment and I do think there a few things (I think I’m understanding correctly) that I’d like to address.

First of all – what happened to me DID in fact happen to me … it’s not a story designed for potential funders, it’s not the first time I’ve been harassed and I don’t expect it will be the last time.

Second – I don’t know how long it’s been since the last time you were attacked but if it has been a while (if at all), perhaps you don’t recall how how ferociously one’s mind remains in denial even while it’s happening. I obviously didn’t want to believe what was happening to me was happening – and my mind took over, insisting it must be a friend playing a trick on my. And I believe it was my screams that drove him away, rather than the man who saw everything.

Third – If I could write in Arabic I would have. But I can’t so I didnt’t. If you know any good translators out there who would be willing to translate this piece please let me know. I would truly love for it to be posted in Arabic.

Fourth – I don’t believe for one moment that any Jordanian daily newspaper would dare publish it. I’m fairly certain it falls way beyond the boundaries of what is acceptable story material here. Again, if you know otherwise – or have contacts – please let me know – I would love to see it reach the ears of those who aren’t online.

I’m so curious to know why you doubt this could happen on a street in Amman? It happens all day, every day. Even if it happened one time to one woman – do you not think that should be a concern for anyone with a woman in her or his life that she or he cares about?

Thanks – and I understand you’re not justifying or blaming. But just so you know, I’ve walked in that area before without incident … and a friend of mine was physically harassed in Mecca Mall during a busy weekend day. It’s not about the area, or what we do and don’t wear, or who we are or aren’t with, or … you get the idea :)

Oliver Jackie is not the only one this has happened to, in fact i know several girls who have been harrassed and in many different ways.
This is not Amman of the old days when girls were left alone and NO ONE dare to do anything.

I don’t think this type of incident can be prevented by any law, and I’m quite sure if a policeman or security officer witnessed what happened, the man would be arrested and most likely beaten severely. If they catch him, you wouldn’t need the witness to lock him up. As a woman your word counts more than his.

The attack itself has nothing to do with our culture but is the act of an individual. You would have been equally if not more likely to be assaulted walking the streets of New York.

The same applies to the single bystander/witness unwilling to risk his own safety for a stranger.

Honestly I wouldn’t have tried to physically intervene to stop the man running in that situation (why risk injury for a stranger?), but maybe I would try to take a picture with my cel phone to help the authorities catch him.

I agree with blaming anyone in this society who tries to blame you as the victim (your clothing, your location etc…) which I’ve seen happen here with similar incidents, but attacking society as a whole for not protecting women specifically from violence seems odd. The laws punishing violence are important regardless of the gender, race, or nationality of the victim. Why single out women ?!!!

Hey Jackie.

Hope you’re better now.

I belong to a conservative family of sorts, liberal conservative .. anyways, we have a tradition, whenever my mom, sister, girlfriend, or any woman that belongs to family is to go outside, she must be accompanied, when one of the guys are there, we work as a ” Ga7ora ” that is, a stairer lol.

They go out with friends, and we dont mind that. Point is, walking on youre own is not a good idea. And, I’m speaking from the point view of a guy that works as a ” Ga7ora ” 3 hours a day 5 days a week whenever I’m at my college.

Studies say, 93 % of guys’ times are spent thinking of sex. Stand in my shoes to know what that means, everytime I walk in my university with my gf, i become transparent, and I start staring eye to eye with every passing stranger, guy of course. IT is disgusting!!

Going back to point, :)

I feel your pain, and it is more important, to feel you through your words, than to simply, speak, comment, ( awwww ) this or that, or anything of the sort. Out of friendliness, adapt yourself to where you are, dont change who you are , just act safely you know ? keep the 93 % in ur mind.

I’m sorry if anyone would find that offending, but lets face it, its true……sad, but true!

Anyways, I’m appaled, but truth remains, this issue has roots, and the roots of every problem meet at one point. Raising awarness i believe is a good point, and I’d love to support in anyway possible,

my way would be ( Teach women how to be safe, teach men how to be moral with women )

thank you

best regards

Hani, I must respectfully disagree. This is a beautiful culture that is all about protecting certain things, but some important things slip through the cracks. If a woman is not accompanied, she is not protected, therefore fair game.

I have only been grabbed and groped a few times, but touched, pursued, cornered more times than I can say. The visual and verbal abuse is a DAILY occurrence. Two men have gotten in accidents by staring at me and not watching the road. This is in West Amman, mind you. Men have propositioned me through the window of my car at a stoplight with my children in the car. Now that my son is 6ft, it doesn’t happen if he is there, because I am protected.

I would hope you would intervene for a stranger. I have regularly, and if I can scare men off with as a screaming, charging banshee with a raised purse, imagine what you would be able to do! If two men hadn’t intervened for me when I was overpowered, I don’t know what the taxi driver would have done to me.

Jackie’s chronicle is not an attack, it is her story. It is my story, too. She is asking important questions. They need answers.

very snobbish and disrespectful attitude, regardless of your points, or lack of them.

while waiting for a bus in germany.. a girl is sitting next to me.. a guy walks by.. slows down.. looks at her and points at her…. is that respectful? is that any different from jordan? ok you know what’s different? she smiled at him.. and he smiled back..
the west is no better than here.. not at all.. no respect for women whatsoever.. when you see posters of naked women in the street.. the only difference is people are sexually satisfied.. and promiscuity is not frowned upon..!
Enough with this hypocrisy!

Jackie, I understand the concept of being violated. I have been robbed before, and have had similar feelings towards the perpetrator.

JS: “What do you think catcalling, staring, verbal propositions are, if not harassment? And just because somethings are more easy to ignore, does that mean they should be??”

You know the saying, sticks and stones break my bones, but words don’t hurt me. I was making a distinction between the type of harassment Kinzi was initially describing which is very common, and criminal physical harassment which is what you encountered – fortunately the mildest form of it. The key word is physical. No this doesn’t mean none-physical harassment is acceptable morally, but simply that it is not criminal. It may be immoral to lie to a friend but it’s not normally illegal.

JS: “If a society, which is made up of the people in it, isn’t responsible for an individual’s actions, then who is? What do you think education is all about?”

The individual. Taking responsibility for one’s actions is part of adulthood. The attacker did not stop to ask society before attacking you. Societies with the best eduction in the world have similar attacks which is what the stats I was replying to Kinzi with were about. It’s hard to teach people good manners since the concept is subjective. Some of my friends while being otherwise civilized are in the habit of staring, catcalling and whistling at women. They wouldn’t do anything beyond that but to them that is acceptable behavior. Oddly the women they do that to are all strangers. Put the same guys in front of women they know and suddenly they become paragons of virtue. I hate that as much as you do, but I don’t see that as a legal issue.

JS: “We must be looking at different sets of laws governing harassment. I would love to see yours.”

Physical attacks are already illegal. Are you disputing that?

JS: “Jordan is not a verbal society and women are the least likely to report violent crimes. Please don’t make the mistake of believing there are reliable statistics here because there aren’t. This is fact, not my opinion.”

Yes women are much less likely to report sexual violence in an Arab country, but the point I was making was that all kinds of violence (including sexual) are much less prevalent in Amman. Yes we don’t have reliable stats like the FBI reports I linked above, but some types of crime are pretty straight forward. How many murders do you see reported daily in Amman papers specifically ? In a similar size American city, it’s 1 every 2 days.

JS: “Safety can only be measure qualitatively, not quantitatively. Just because there are seemingly a lot of policemen on the street doesn’t mean they’re doing a whole lot to keep our streets safe. Quite a few women,
myself included, have been harassed by policemen.”

Yes there are corrupt policemen, but overall when there’s a serious crime I’m glad to have so many of them around. If a particular policeman harassed you, I strongly suggest filing a complaint. If not a formal one, an email! I read in ammon today that the chief of the public security directorate (Maj. Gen. Hussein Hazza Majali) published his email address (psd.modeer@psd.gov.jo) and that he personally follows complaints from the public about the performance of the security personnel. I’m sure he’d also be interested in your evaluation of the security level on the streets.

JS: “I have a suggestion for you: dress up as a woman and walk our streets. Or find another way to get the real picture of what it’s really like to be here as a woman. I think you’ll be shocked.”

Cross dressing will not be necessary! I have 2 sisters that live here, so I have a personal interest in ensuring their well-being, and I’m certainly not oblivious to the harassment women encounter.

JS: “perhaps you’d be courageous to enough to appear on camera discussing these points with me.”

Thank you but I am too uncomfortable in front of a camera.

Hani, I had a lengthly reply, but it must’ve gotten lost in Disqus-land. I am vaguely remembering we have had this conversation before on my blog once, crime rates in the US vs Jordan.

Jackie covered most of them.

I am sad, as the tone with which you commented is really part of the problem. It is a problem of individuals yes…but individuals make up society, and there are enough men like your friends behaving in such a manner that it is a societal problem.

Just confronting such men who are acting like that helps. Recently a group of young men yelled sexual profanities to me in my car as I was driving through a neighborhood, and one of them called them out verbally. I stopped, thanked him and told him he was the only honorable man in the group.

Often it is the shabaab pack-mentality enforcing harassment. All it takes is one man to stop each group.

Ilham – you’re right – nothing will change if we remain silent – and that’s been repeatedly proven by the silence that pervades our society and the worsening harassment on our streets, in our homes, at work, in our cars … everywhere.

objecDEFY Harassment is the opportunity to break this cycle. So please – go to http://www.objecdefy.com, read, and see the Get Involved page – which I add to, so always check back.

Jackie

Ola

I’ll say to you the same thing I said to Ilham and Amani

Nothing will change if we remain silent – and that’s been repeatedly proven by the silence that pervades our society and the worsening harassment on our streets, in our homes, at work, in our cars … everywhere. objecDEFY Harassment is the opportunity to break this cycle.

The first step is that we tell our stories – and I encourage you to please go to http://www.objecdefy.com, read all about it, and see the Get Involved page – which I add to, so always check back.

Jackie

Have you seen any rape statistics recently in Europe and the US? (I am not saying it doesn’t happen here, I’m saying it happens EVERYWHERE) and a crowded German DB station is no ghetto either!

Kinzi, agreed the verbal harassment is a societal problem, but not a legal matter to be prosecuted. About one man stopping the group, the next time around he won’t be there. You can’t make a tiger change its spots.

About differences between US and Jordanian crime rates, while I’m convinced Amman is much much safer than a US city of comparable population in regards to all violent crime (even unreported); when it comes to Fraud, corruption, nepotism, overpricing, wasta-mentality, traffic-crime. Amman will beat any US city hands down. A $25 pair of crocs sells for JD80 in city mall. That is highway robbery!

Jackie i am sorry and i hope you are feeling okay. and i too was assaulted on the streets of Amman, my home town. and i live with it. i am afraid. There are periods where i imagine harm around every corner. i fear for all my female friends, my sister and my mother. i live with it. I know many who have been harmed. from the self consciousness caused by comments to rape. i live with it. it is so part of who i am, the fear, the self consciousness, the weight of my body, the female-ness of who i am, the weakness, the vulnerability and the loneliness in a city where all the women are me and the men are potential enemy. such a shame. i have and still deliberate over “what happened?” and “why are our men like that?”

the last conclusion i have is that men are pushing us off the streets. out of the public space. they are angry (at us, at the government, at themselves–i do not care) but they direct all that anger and hate at us and want to see us as little as possible and have a deep belief that a woman’s place in behind closed doors. and their strategy is smart and working and our existence as women in the public space is shrinking rapidly. who of us “hangs out” on the street?

and you know what else i think: the state does not want anyone in the public space, men are doing the job on their behalf to make sure that half the society feels uninvited. the state will have half as much work when then women are out.

i am sorry Jackie.

Jackie,
We haven’t connected for a very long time, and I am so sorry that we finally did so by way of your chilling experience. I am sad that you cannot safely walk the streets without fear assault or harrassment. The fact that men abuse women elsewhere in the world is no excuse for that behavior to be acceptable to Jordanian men.

The degradation of such crimes play scary mind games long after the physical pain leaves. Most women do not believe that their experiences are believeable. Too many men still think women are hysterical by nature and so they abstractly–and too often purposefully-minimize the afteraffects of humiliating words and debasing actions of those who are attacked.

Jackie, I encourage you to continue your work…if not directly, then, perhaps, through education, films, and writing…all of which I believe you are doing. Unfortunately, you might never know how much affect your work has on change; it is impossible to prove a ‘negative’. You will never know how many women are not assaulted because your message was heard by impressionable young men on the cusp of learning right from wrong behavior. Old men suggest more work.

As you know, change has to come from within, within a country, within a person. Please stay strong. Take energy from this assault. And carry a key in your hand; hold it between your fingers so it sticks out; use it as a weapon when you physically must defend yourself.

I am hopeful that the next time we talk that this incident will be long over. Meanwhile be generous to the men who do treat you with respect.

My husband is a Jordanian police officer and has been for 20 years. If any of you is harassed–especially by a police officer, the first thing you should do (if possible) is to file a complaint against the person at the police station in the district that the harassment occurred in. If it is a person driving slowly by, get their license plate number. If it is someone catcalling, take a picture with your cell phone. What they are doing IS a crime and they know it. We do not have to tolerate it. If we all decide to kick their butts and testify against them, maybe the jerks on the streets will start to think twice before doing what they do. We cannot accept this behavior in any form. We need to take back the streets.

Harrasment happens everywhere and should be punished everywhere. But I do agree in the middle east catcalling, whistling, and stares happen way more than in the west or other countries for one big reason. You have a bunch of 21 year older and up men some up to 35 who have never been with a woman unless maybe she was a prostitue. Speaking from personal experince I was once a sexually charged 15 year old who did all of the above. But once a person becomes sexually satsfied that sexual tension is no longer necessary. So the problem in the middle east is a whole lot of sexual tension that unlike in the past you do not get rid of when your 17 and get married off but now have to maybe wait until your 35 becuase of the economic sitution.
However, If I was to ever see that guy I would have beat him for you. But we defintley need to fix the problem with laws, movements, and everything else.

I see what you’re trying to say, but guys, too, can help themselves. Guys, too, can help themselves. Thinking about sex 93% or even 99% of the time doesn’t justify hurting another human being. You’re not an uncontrollable hormone machine. You’re a person, and a person can make decisions. Harrasment is a conscious act.

Again, I see what you mean. But I refuse to think that if I walk on the streets unaccompanied, then it’s my fault- the man couldn’t help himself. I refuse to need a “ga7ora”. I refuse to find excuses for the offender. I remember having an argument earlier on 7iber with someone who thought that girls “asked for it”. Harrasment hurts. It’s an offense. Looking at someone is one thing- it’s natural to want to look at a beautiful person, but calling them names or using dirty, disrespectful language is another. It’s terribly humiliating and destructive. It makes you want to die.